Showing posts with label whining. Show all posts
Showing posts with label whining. Show all posts

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Feeling old for your age? Well you're not alone...

Is it just me or are all twenty-plus people under the same amount of stress?
Really now; when just like me you too are in that age group of twenty-one to twenty-nine, then you’ll probably be able to relate to what I’m about to say. I mean we are so young, but gosh, the stress we have to endure at such young an age is just totally unbelievable! Seriously! And I’m not even working yet so I couldn’t just imagine what my contemporaries in the labor market are dealing with. But hey, I’m not exactly in a bed of roses either. Maybe a bed of thorns? Or nails? Or road spikes? Whatever, you get the point .
I don’t know about those who have, at least at this moment, chosen the lifestyle called “bumming,” but whether you’re working at some multinational capitalist company, or competing with your way-older classmates while earning your masters degree, or giving it all out for law school albeit it all seems for naught, being at this age is surprisingly stressful. Tough work, inhumane law school, competitive and gossip-loving colleagues, classmates with whom you have apparently irreconcilable personality differences…whatever it is, you have to admit: there’s just so much sh*t in life, and it seems as the sh*t just piles up and up, until it’s so high that giving up and running away appears to be the easy solution.
Yes, we’re young, but who could have thought that we’d age so fast in a matter of months?
I’m not sure if anyone else can relate to it, but sometimes, when I talk with other people about the fatigue and the stress of being at this age, I can’t help but theorize as to why we’re enduing so much (or at least why we feel we’re enduring so much). You might think, “Oh there he goes again with all those actually meaningless rationalizations…etc.”, but hey, can I help it? Social Science major-duh! And besides, you probably will relate to this.
Upon graduating from college, it seems as though the world is ours to conquer. Suddenly we’re independent, suddenly we’re making our own decisions. We don’t have to deal with curfews (at least most of us do), we can travel to anywhere we want (on its face something patently false), club all we want, and basically do everything without anyone having to watch over our every move. Freedom!
But the party is cut short.
Then comes the rather late (but should have been obvious anyway) realization that with greater independence comes so much responsibility. We’re set “free,” we’re out there in the world “deciding for ourselves,” when really, we carry with us the heavy load of expectations of…well, everyone! You do realize that it’s not just you banking in on your future, or what’s set to happen in your life right? That alone creates such a heavy burden-but wait, there’s more!
Then there’s that odd internal own age ambivalence phenomenon; if it’s an ugly, unscientific-sounding name, then you try coming up with a name! (Though it really is an ugly, unscientific-sounding name…) What I’ve realized about being at this age is that it’s so easy for us to accept the independence and the positive features of (hold on to your seats-) adulthood, but there are just so many things about being nine or thirteen or sixteen or eighteen that, upon entering “grown-upness” (yet another ugly invented term), we inevitably have to give up. And usually, these are the things that provide for us comfort, that protect us from stress or tension or whatever negative it is out there. Especially if you’re away from home (i.e. working or studying in Manila, away from the “province” [Yes, everyone in Manila is still convinced that only their city is urban and the rest of the Philippines doesn’t have electricity yet…let’s save that for another entry]), then you’ll know how difficult it is to be away from all that’s comfortable and familiar.
But hey, we're still young right? At the end of the day, nothing can get more youthful than a twenty-one year old drooling over a bottle of Red Horse and dancing all over club!

Yes, I'm gonna part-teey! Haha!

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

What a mess, what a mess, what a mess, what a really big mess!

Whew! Just when I was beginning another pattern of a non-productive behavior which basically involves not finishing or continuing something that I've started (i.e. ditching my blog, haha!), I've decided that hey, maybe I don't want to be stuck doing the wrong things anymore! I mean right now, I'm at that point where one more mistake, one more misstep may mean diasaster, or maybe absolute liberation and freedom (Haha! Well depending on how you look at it...Anyway I'm sure you're not getting that probably because it's a purely personal issue.). Really, now is when I can really say it's either a make it or break it situation. And as I've said, I want to put an end to all the negative things that aren't really helping me "make it." See, the difficult part is translating the attitude into the right behavior or actions. Sure, I really want to kick some serious law ass, but then, thinking that can only get me so far...or as I've learned yesterday, even nowhere!


Obviously I'm not at the peak of my academic career right now.


Now THAT is undermining the scenario which is actually far worse.


But then, I can't really blame myself for such a sloppy school week. Well for one, moving my stuff is so exhausting! Just last week, I officially moved from my previous place of temporary residence in Tandang Sora to one of the dorms within UP. It's great that I'm finally in UP now right? But then, moving was't so easy especially when you find out that, once you've moved in, certain essentials of living are missing. Imagine life with no chairs, no pillows, and no cabinets: I had to live with that for one night! Well I got the chair and the pillow now (after what seemed like a never-ending ordeal of having to shop for these big bulky things in SM), but I'm still waiting for the cabinet!


Still, it's great that I'm finally housed within UP. Although moving proved to be a serious pain in the ass, I'm sure the returns in the long run will be worth it. Besides, it's a great dorm, especially when compared to all other dorms in UP.


So...what was I saying?


Oh, being messy and all that. See that's what Im talking about. I really think that I need to get myself together, otherwise, it would be just one big...pfft. Haha! But seriously, there are just some things that I'm realizing right now that would make me feel really guilty if I INTENTIONALLY or NEGLIGENTLY do some major mess right now. And I really don't want to go through all that drama. The challenge for me right now is to make this real, actually start working on it. I don't want to be paranoid and think that the odds are against me, but thinking that would hopefully help propel me into doing the right things. And now that I've pretty much established myself in that dorm, I hope that this move would help maybe tilt the playing field in my favor.


I know it seems like I'm ranting and whining, but writing and letting it out is actually one way of how I can reflect on it and hopefully do some serious thinking AND acting about whatever situation I am in. Law school continuosuly proves itself to be a challenge to all aspects of a person's being: intellectual, emotional, psychological, even physical! And right now, I would indulge in all possible means of catharsis just to brush it off!


Of course, there's also: WORK, WORK, WORK.


I just don't want it to be such a mess anymore.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

ONE GREAT IRONY: First Day as a Sopohomore in Law School...on Independence Day

Hah! You probably thought that I wouln't be writing that much considerning the fact that today marks the beginning of another year in law school. Sure, it gets busy, but hey, I'm just making the most of my time.
Man, the heat of Manila is killing me!
As I mentioned, on this day, I am going to back as a sophomore in law school. By now, it would be easy to assume that I've probably gotten used to all the crap that has to be dealt with once you enter theis "grand" instituion. Now that I think about it, I'd say that it's too early to make a judgment.
So the ironic thing is the first day of classes having to begin on Independence Day...
Now why is that just so ironic that I even have to blog about it? Well, for anyone who has ever entered school, high school, college, law school, or whatever, you'd probably know what I'm talking about. See, the thing with school, or at least how they make us experience it, is that it just takes so much of your freedom that sometimes you'd find yourself questiong whether you're still in school or at some place where people are detained. You could think of it as prison, or maybe a mental assylum, whichever you think seems more apt for your situation. Sure, the whole process of learning and education has as one its goals the emancipation of the individual from the clutches of ingorance. I definitely agree with that. But then, I feel that it takes so much away from you, like your creativity, or imagination and replaces it with information that are...just not you. Yes, the effort to impart knowledge is appreaciated, but to actually force ideals and thoughts and opinions and whatever-that's not right. How do you expect someone to grow into his or her own person with all these dictates?My complaint is probably a sentiment that just has built up from my experience in law school. Is it just me being paranoid or is this some sort of a grand plan to rob me of my individuality so I can become some robot which this school has planned out to be its perfect product?
This is definitely not an attack on education, because, I for one recognize the importance of it and I think that everyone who has the opportunity must take hold of it and do well with it, because trust me, this will bring you a long way. I guess my concern is how they carry it out and how they let the students experience it.
Locked up in an insitution that that frees you...having been unjustly treated by a system that advociates justice and fairness...unlawfulness in law school...some of the many ironies I'm beginning to realize today.
Or should I have just expected them?
***
Let's get this thing going...